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June 2, 2005 Edition

Dear Max:

Why is everyone caught up in this emo/metrosexual/gay-but-not-gay fad? Is it a government conspiracy to turn everyone gay so they can be forced into labor camps and design the ultimate cheeseburger weighing in at a whopping 7Kilos? Your take on this is highly appreciated.


Hi Paluka,

Let me answer your question with a question… 7 kilos would be a pretty heavy hamburger. What do you think the odds are that somebody would drop it on the floor?

Dear Max:

I’m a red and white Persian, and I’ve just inked a deal to do The Cat In The Hat for Jeff Katzenberg. I was lunching at Spago with Jeff Berg, and I was just totally embarrassed when the tag on my collar slipped down around my neck and dangled right into my orechietto. How can I avoid these dining gaffes in the future?

Cali Cooper

Dear Cali,

Lunch with Jeff Berg, huh? So ICM must stand for International Cat Management. Who knew? The Dalai Lama said “approach love and cooking with reckless abandon.” To that, I’d add “eating.” So, my advice: If you’re out to impress Jeff Berg and a tag gets in your ochiwhatever, just eat it like nothing happened. You can puke it up in the bathroom later. It’s the L.A. way.

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