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June 23, 2005 Edition

Dear Max:

I am a 6 month old English Mastiff named Nigel. I like to sleep, mostly. My mom says I am gonna get fixed next week. I don’t feel broken. Any idea what she is talking about?


Hi Nige,

Have you ever heard one person say to another, “That really took some balls?” Think of being fixed this way: It really takes balls.

Dear Max:

Should I get my tongue pierced?

Tongue Tied

Hi Tongue Tied,

Personally, I’m against it. It just gets in the way of anything you do with your tongue. Namely, eating.

Dear Max:

I think my boyfriend is cheating. I saw text messages from another girl, but I shouldn’t have been looking at his phone. What should I do?

Texed Off!

Dear Tex,

Don’t say anything. Pee on him. Then that other girl will know he’s yours.

Dear Max:

I have a secret crush on my boss. But there’s that whole position of authority thing. What’s your position?


Hi Sub,

You might think I’m just gonna say my position is “doggie style…” but I’m not. Okay I am. My position is and always will be doggie style.

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