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October 30, 2005 Edition

Dear Max:

What are your thoughts on “trick or treating?”


Dear Jack,

I think it’s an excellent idea. I don’t even know why you have to wait for Halloween to do it. I beg for treats all the time. On Halloween “trick-or-treating” specifically, that’s a bit of a sore spot for me—since I don’t get to go. I would LIKE to. And nobody lets me. Let’s discuss: Humans eat meals…and snacks. Who eats “treats?” Dogs, that’s who! Armed with that knowledge, are you gonna tell me it’s fair that dogs don’t get to go? Even though I get dressed up in insufferable costumes every year? (See: Koby Bryant, a hot dog, and most recently, a dragon) Finally, if you’re concerned about the safety of your Halloween candy, I’d be happy to act as taste-tester.

Dear Max:

Maxie I love you and I think you’re adorable. And for that reason alone, I will be honest when I tell you that I think you’re more attractive than my own dogs. Does that make me a bad mom?


Dear Curious,

Thank you. My good looks are, in fact, widely recognized. But you might be surprised to know my most endearing quality is actually humility. However, it’s all relative. Recently I had the great displeasure of seeing the winners of the World’s Ugliest Dog contest in Peta Luma, Ca. The winner looked like a satanic sock puppet—the love child of a hairless mole and the Crypt Keeper. So, no, you’re not a bad mom. Just charmingly honest. Love the ones you’re with, and count your blessings.

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