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July 6, 2006 Edition

Hey Max,

Will you be accompanying Mommie Dearest to her book signing July 6th? If so, what can I bring you?

Christina Crawford

Dear Christina,

Yes, I will be there! How could I deny my fans?

Besides…I recently overheard someone tell a friend that she thought The Da Vinci Code was cheesy. I am a well known lover of cheese. And I understand they just might have a stray copy or two of this cheese at

the Chelsea Barnes & Noble.

Just so you have all the details:

Address: 675 6th Avenue Click here for directions

Date: Thursday, 7/6/06

Time: 7 pm Sharp

As for what you should bring? Just your smiling self. And $12.95 for a copy of the book. It’ll be good times. We’ll hide behind a rack in the self-help section, and snicker at the people who secretively flip through the pages of “Sex For Dummies” when they think no one is looking. And then when no one is looking…we’ll secretly flip through the pages of “Sex For Dummies.”

By the way, if you can’t make it you can always order my Mom’s new book, Stupid and Contagious, available now through bn.com, amazon.com, and at fine booksellers everywhere.

Dear Max:

I think my mechanic is lying to me. Is there such a car part as a motor mount?

Skeptic, But Not A Pedestrian

Dear Skeptic,

Dogs tend to mount many things: other dogs, people’s legs, pillows, virtually anything that doesn’t move. But I have never seen a dog mount a motor. However, a quick search at Popular Mechanic told me there IS such a thing as a motor mount.

Now, I’ve never personally seen a motor mount, but I have seen motors. And I can’t imagine wanting to mount one. Seems uncomfortable. I’d advise you to keep a safe distance in case sparks fly and the motor gets any ideas. (Now be careful not to confuse this with a motor mouth—which many people possess.  When one of those starts running, the damage sometimes requires a very costly repair, and not all mechanics are up to the job.)

Test your own mechanics voracity by asking him the following tell-tale questions: What Would Jesus Do…if I rolled this car into his garage?

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